Attachment Parenting: How to create happy, content and confident children. 

What  is it and why should we practice it?

The term attachment parenting is gaining popularity but what does it mean, and why should parents learn more about it?Attachment theory was first developed by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1940s as a response to the problems of children being placed in orphanages after World War II due to lack of parental care. In the years that followed, attachment theory grew into the larger concept of attachment parenting. It became the go-to solution for parents who wanted their children to develop healthy social skills and emotional connections that would last them through adulthood.

The Benefits of Attachment Parenting.

When a child has a secure emotional attachment to their caregiver, it gives them a secure base where they are able to explore the world. It helps a child to feel comfortable in making mistakes, takes risks and become more resilient. They will go on to create healthy relationships, feeling secure to give and accept love to others. It will allow a child to feel confident in processing their emotions, becoming emphatic to their thoughts and feelings as well as others. 

What are the components of attachment parenting?

When the term ‘attachment’ is heard, parents often associate it with being inseparable from your baby but this isnt the case. It’s all about the emotional attachement a baby has with a caregiver and it has been coined ‘the science of love’. Human babies are one of a few species to be born vulnerable and totally reliant on their parents. They are born with an instinctual drive for survival. A baby is born with an in-built alarm system Their goal of attachment is to survive, feel safe, secure and protetced. This in-built alarm system will sound when they are cold, feel scared or alone and once activated the stress hormone, cortisol and adrenalin floods the body and brain. 

How does attachment parenting differ from other types of parenting?

For babies and children to gain your attendtion and get their needs met they will cry, smile, cling, tantrum and misbehave. You maybe aware with other well-known parenting approches some of these attention seeking methods may be discribed as a ‘manipluating’ or ‘mis-behaving’. 

You may be encrouaged to let let them cry and ‘self-soothe’, with the promise it will help them sleep better and become more independent.However, years of studies and research has taught us the contrary! Babies are not developmentally capable of ‘self-soothing’, instead they simply learn that nobody is coming to them and begin to withdraw into themselves. 

If their alarm system remains activated for a duration of time, this will begin to inhibt brain development,  affect their future mental health and ablity to form healthy realtionships. 

Positive parental influence during the early years can have lifelong effects. When we meet our babies with consistent sensitivity and positive responses, a baby will create a secure emotional attachment. 

When you play, cuddle, massage, and respond to babies with both verbal and non-verbal cues you are telling your baby ‘you are cared for, respected loved, and valued,  you are not alone in this world and you can trust that you will be protected’. 

When a baby has an attuned mother, their alarm system can be switched off.   You have given your baby a secure base in which they have to explore the world and they develop into a create a happy, secure confident child. 

How can you practice attachment parenting within the modern world? 

Modern society doesnt always allows us to practice attachment parenting with constraints which are sometimes out of hands, such as having to return to work, or other responsibilities. However, research has shown that babies are capable of forming several attachements! So it is important to choose childcare which  respect the same values in sensitivity in response and consistency of care from the same person. 

The practical side of practicing attachment can be baby wearing and using a parent facing pram, these reassure your child you’re keeping them safe whilst out in the world.  At home, practicing baby massage and reading with you child tells them ‘i’m respected and important’. 

Lastly, taking care of YOU. Slowing down, resting when you need to and sleep if and when you can, giving yourself some time to fill up your own cup so you are in the best place to respond to your baby with love and care.

Jo is an Attachment-based Psychotherapist who runs her private practice in Perth and works with clients worldwide. Jo also runs courses for expecting and new parents on supporting their children to create happy and secure attachments. Visit @ohheyparenthood on facebook to learn more.